Jordan Speith just won the Masters and your boyfriend’s heart basically fell out of his ass, either because he accomplished more at 21 years old than they ever will or because along with a pretty green jacket he also won $1.8 million. I, on the other hand, was too busy appreciating how good he looked walking up and down the course with that charming Texas smile. Under Armour is thanking their lucky stars that Jordan looks a billion times in better in their products than Hunter Mahan.
Aside from drooling on your bf’s shoulder as you watched Jordan kick ass, you were probably struck with the realization that you will be competing with golf for his attention this summer. Whether he’s playing a round of 18 with friends, dragging you to the driving range or rooted to the couch watching paint dry, ahem, golf (unless Jordan is on, then I’m all for it), you need to know how to handle this situation.
I decided to come up with some scenarios that you may find yourself in and how to handle them while at the same time retaining some of your sanity from your beau’s love affair with his golf clubs.
You’ve been dragged to GolfSmith for the fifth time this week because your man can’t decide which putter he wants and while he keeps practicing on the putting green in the store you’re left to contemplate what makes a a metal stick more appealing than you.
What To Do:
Always be on the lookout for the impromptu GolfSmith stop aka BE PREPARED. Is your dinner date within 5 miles of the golf store? Make sure you have a full phone battery and maybe a snack, an iced coffee wouldn’t hurt either. Are you stopping in the same plaza as the store? Google any stores that may peak your interest that you can lose yourself in to avoid the perpetual boredom of watching him miss 6 consecutive putts.
If you’re willing to stick by him in the store, make yourself busy. No one likes a complaining girlfriend whining for her boyfriend to hurry up, because you two have reservations for sushi. Go check out the ladies section, most golf stores have cute shit, you might even be able to convince him to buy you a cute outfit for all of your suffering.
He finally convinces you to play a few holes with him, totally leaving you in the dark about what to wear and also forgets to remind you that few holes to him means half the course aka you will be hauling ass up and down a golf course getting bad tan lines.
What To Do:
FIRST COMES FIRST: demand a golf cart. If you’re playing anything other than mini golf and the where the farthest you go is to fetch your ball out of the water surrounding the windmill, you need to make it clear that you will not be meant to walk the entire way, no sir, (also make sure you get to take that baby for a spin).
Secondly, dress like a classy bitch. Leave the cutoffs and crop tops at home, this isn’t a music festival nor are you Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore. Obviously, you’re not an avid golfer so wear a pair of J.Crew Chinos and break out one of your old Ralph Lauren polos we all know you have laying around (if you’re desperate, dig up one from Hollister and hope no one notices that you kept your wardrobe staple from middle school after all these years) with some sneakers and you’ll blend in. If you’re feeling confident, grab a cute baseball hat to make it look like you know what you’re doing.
It’s a gorgeous day and instead of getting tan and drunk by the pool all your bf wants to do is waste away watching some tournament on tv that’s been on since 7 a.m.
What To Do:
Depending on how gorgeous it is outside, you might as well say sayonara and go soak up the sun solo (just make sure he brings you drinks from time to time). If you want to spend quality time indoors anyways, you can easily enjoy the tournament by making sure you’re eyes aren’t glazed over when a few key (hottie) players, including Jordan Speith, are on:
Helllloooooooo there, *drools*.
Special thanks to Jordan Speith for inspiring this blog post and for also making at least 2 minutes of 4 hours of watching golf worthwhile.
Godspeed ladies, may you have enough strength to not “accidentally” run him over with a golf cart.