I’m learning that life is truly what you make it. If you choose to be happy things will work in your favor. If you choose to be a bitch, karma will be a bitch right back! You have to take the tests and trials that you go through and make them work for you. Situations occur at work, at home, with your friends, strangers, even with your exes. Learn to take your losses and turn them into victories!
How, you ask? First, be honest with yourself, everyday won’t be roses and lilies, it’s the way you handle the bad that determines the good. I am sure I sound really mature right now, but I learned this the hard way… let me tell you a little story: Once upon a time there was a naïve, little girl that thought her knight in shining armor would sweep her off her feet in his apple red mustang and ride off into the sunset after the big Friday night football game. Ten years and a few messy break-ups later she is writing to you from her plushy bed made for one, toasting to the ones that got away! The End!
During my most difficult break-up (although at the time, all of them felt like the most difficult) I was hysterical, melodramatic, and I thought the world would end. Of course with a little space and time, I couldn’t be happier. Taking a few tips from the tough times I discovered some valuable lessons.
These are the things I learned from my ex, which I hope will help give you some perspective on yours:
Your heart aches right now and all you want to do is respond to his 5 million phone calls and voicemails, but wait just one minute. After arguments or break- ups, we can be very emotional. Take a few days to yourself to calm down and think rationally. Don’t get riled up by your B.F.F. telling you what you should do. Allow yourself the opportunity to meditate on your own decision. Deciding to continue to date or that you just can’t seem to forgive and forget will make a lot more sense once you have had time to think things through.
2.Compromise but don’t settle
Relationships require work. Yes, dating should be fun, but in order to withstand a long-lasting commitment, both parties have to learn to compromise. There will be things you dislike, but you only do them because he loves them. For example, he still doesn’t know you hate watching Wrestle Mania. Or you might not have realized he isn’t the best at yoga… but that’s just it, it’s a compromise. Don’t let major issues such as your happiness go to the wayside because you are afraid to stir things up. My mentor once told me, “in relationships you have to pay attention, because the yellow flags become red flags.” If there is something that bothers you, don’t be afraid to speak your mind, you will either be able to agree or disagree. If you disagree, tell him to keep it moving!
3.Your happiness matters
Most importantly, your happiness matters! A couple of months have passed and you may be thinking you could have done a few things differently or what you disagreed on doesn’t seem to matter anymore, it is natural to feel this way. However, look at the bigger picture. Are you happier now than you were before? If you take him back would you just be settling? There are more fish in the sea that are more compatible. No need to disregard your happiness to end up in a negative situation again.
4.Life goes on
It’s official, its over! Wipe those eyes, life goes on! Consider this a new chapter in your life. Date yourself, reconnect with your friends, set a new goal, or pick up a new hobby. Being single is NOT a bad thing, it just gives you time to remind yourself how awesome you are, before Mr. Right comes along.
Unfortunately, I broke a few hearts, including my own, while learning this but consider it research so you can learn from my mistakes! There are no two ways about it, break ups tend to suck, but in the end it isn’t all bad.