The telltale sign of traffic and a sight that’s bound to ruin your day, at least for however long you sit there: red tail lights.
We’ve all sat through it, finding comfort in knowing that the rest of our side of the highway is suffering right beside us all while silently showing the other side of the highway that’s moving along merrily our middle finger.
I sat through the misery earlier this week as I headed home from vacation and let me tell you, nothing will rub in the fact that vacation is over like sitting in 17 miles (literally, this is no joke) of traffic at noon on a Monday.
Just like you swore you would never drink again after the tequila gave you a bit of a beating, traffic can make you swear to never leave the house again.
As I sat there for TWO HOURS ( I wish I was kidding) I was inspired to post all of my thoughts so any of you sitting in traffic know you are not alone.
It usually starts something like this:
You’re cruising along on your merry way, obviously bumping to the latest Fetty Wap hit (679 I’m looking at you) and you see it….
NO NO NO NO
You realize you have to remember where the brake is…. oh yup, there she is on the left
Your cruising speed turns into a slow creep and the ETA on your GPS increases by an hour.
The minutes start ticking by and the only forward motion comes from your foot slightly reliving pressure on the brake 🙂 🙂 🙂 (kill me)
The boredom starts to really set in after 15 minutes and after you’ve called and complained about sitting in traffic to your mom, boyfriend and best friend because they should feel your pain also.
HI IT’S ME…… STILL HERE……. IN TRAFFIC.
And all of your pain and suffering has gotten you is 2 measly miles.
*starts searching car for something interesting*
Ooooh look old Avril Lavigne CD’s and now I know that I still remember all of the words to Sk8er Boi.
Oh right, were still in traffic. And no we aren’t moving.
This is the moment when you make awkward eye contact with the creepy guy in the old Mercedes in the lane next to you and by some stroke of luck every time you move mere inches you’re in his direct vision.
NOPE NOT TODAY BUDDY.
*stares at phone or literally anything else to avoid the stares and wiggly eyebrow motions*
Oh look we went another mile and the traffic hasn’t let up. THANKS OBAMA.
Do you dare look at the other side of the highway?
*sees cars steadily moving along*
Why must I punish myself like that? WHY??!?
Oh look we’re moving!
*travels 5 minutes down the road*
*sees red tail lights. AGAIN*
And then you realize you have to pee. Like really have to pee.
Because for the last hour while you’ve been in traffic you drank an entire iced coffee and half a water bottle you found under the seat.
The dam is going to burst people MOVE IT.
No actually I might pee myself. This really might happen.
Oh thank you Jesus there’s a rest stop.
No more driving for me, I’d rather bike.