We’ve all been there- staring at the dark screen of your phone, willing a text message to land so that you can wait half an hour to respond even though you had your phone in hand when the text landed.
We’d hate to look too interested – right?
It’s the science of texting – a huge point of contention among my lady friends. How long should you wait to text? If you texted first yesterday does that mean you have to wait for him to text first today? Are you allowed to double text? Do you need to worry about grammatical errors? How many texts per day is too clingy? How many texts isn’t enough? How exactly do you need to word every individual text to give the impression that you’re interested, but that if he fell off the face of the planet you wouldn’t be upset? How up front can you be?
With each text that we shoot off to a guy we become more and more involved in the what does it mean game. What does it mean if he doesn’t text back after thirty minutes – is he going to ghost you? Is he just in a meeting? Is he just bad at communication?
We have turned communicating into such an inexact and stressful science that it’s almost impossible not to read into each and every text way too far. Crafting the perfect response means agonizing over the wording and offering up some way for him to easily respond. Every person that you talk to will have their own set of rules for when and how to respond, rules that may or may not look anything like the ones that you have set up for yourself.
It’s a nightmare that not only drives us completely insane, but that ruins the whole experience of communicating with another human being.
When did we decide that acting interested in someone that you are legitimately interested in was a bad thing? When did we decide that in order to get the guy you want you have to appear only vaguely interested and mostly aloof?
More importantly, when did we decide that is what we wanted?
Think about it. While you’re agonizing over the guy that isn’t texting you back, there’s likely one that is texting you back. One that at least seems to care about what you are up to and how your day is going and maybe, just maybe, if you would like to get together later. Then there’s you – agonizing over that one nonexistent text from that one most likely uninterested guy.
It’s the bad guy, nice guy dilemma that we see all of the time – just playing out over texting instead of in person. We get wrapped up in the drama of the bad guy instead of taking the time to step back and go for the nice one. It’s a cycle, the question is – will you break it?