Am I the only person that finds crazy Canadians wherever I travel? I’ve talked to some friends about it and I get the feeling that I’m not – it seems that everyone has at least a story or two about a crazy Canadian that they have met out and about in the world… and my trip to Iceland was no different.
When I am out and about in the world it’s a given that I will pick up some new friends – you know, those previously unknown people that you meet and join up with for some harmless trip fun (depending on how much you’re drinking).
When Tyler and I ventured to Iceland for Thanksgiving we acquired a group of Canadians that didn’t let us down in the crazy (but lovable) department… little did we know that they would all be named Bill.
Let’s back up for a second, who are The Bills?
The Bills are a group of four Canadians. No, none of them are actually named Bill, yet every single one responds to the name Bill and calls the rest of the group Bill as well. You confused yet? Because we were.
Add in the fact that they called every guy around Bill and you’ve got a whole hell of a lot of Bill action, eh? Which, as it turns out, is super convenient once you get past the initial confusion. Why? You call everyone in the group by one name – so, no matter how drunk you are, everyone will respond (nifty, right?).
Other strange linguistics courtesy of The Bills:
- Rinse(d): Used at least once a sentence. What did it mean? Nothing and everything.
- Hooped: Getting fucked, essentially. Like getting beaten, not literally getting fucked.
- Mint: Excellent, cool, etc.
If you’re starting to think that these guys might be slightly mental, you would be correct. Absolutely mental, but in the best of ways. A quick snapshot of the insanity?
AM: Bills arrive at the Airbnb, one of them remains in the car because he mysteriously doesn’t have shoes and it’s about twenty degrees… We later learn that this same Bill had broken a window in their earlier Airbnb when the rest of the group left him out at the bar and he got locked out of the place and wanted to avoid getting hypothermia sleeping on the porch.
PM: That evening they bring home their first gaggle of girls and we are treated to a loud rendition of what I like to call “listen, the neighbors are fucking!”
AM: I wake up to a knock on the door at the crack of dawn, Bill is in the hallway asking for car keys. I say something like “heard you guys banging chicks last night,” before realizing that there is a girl sitting on the steps in the hallway. Woops.
PM: Neighborly drinking and going out, including a stop into a clothing store that is throwing a party with free beer for absolutely no reason – hard to hate that, right? Have I mentioned that one beer was typically about ten bucks? True. Making free beer all the more appealing… I may or may not be using this to justify how many of the free beers we drank… Highlights of Icelandic bar hopping: tons of au-pairs, the Bills getting rinsed at foosball, running around the freezing streets while wearing an alcohol jacket.
AM: Tyler and I boogie around town and to my favorite coffee shop, Reyjkavik Roasters.
PM: We are sitting around the dinner table drinking and The Bills start discussing their conquests from the night before – all of whom are apparently into anal exclusively (you do you boo). It’s not long before one of the Bills lets us in on a secret, his favorite activity is eating ass, and the boys look towards the girls they had lined up for that evening. Which is when one of them says…
“Well, how many shits has she taken in her life?”
Yes, you read that correctly.
Here’s that calculation:
Age x 365 x 1.5
No, that’s not a joke. No, I did not make that up – see above picture evidence that these Bills actually exist. Here’s the best part about this calculation, there’s no critical threshold. In point of fact, Bill is always going to be game to eat it. It’s just a joke.. albeit one that they actually carry so far as to calculate.
The takeaway from all of this? Travel friends are the best. How the hell else do you get to know so much about a group of people (including their propensity for butt stuff) in such a shot period of time? Answer, you don’t.
Thanks for being mint, Bills.