This week The Bachelorette is an exciting, dramatic, two-night event so here we go on part one. Guess what? Chad is still the worst, seriously there’s nothing new to report here, still a dick. That’s what’s happening back at the house 100% of the time.
The first one on one date goes to gorgeous Chase, who didn’t have a date last week. They go to a couples hot yoga class and end up sitting heart to heart, noses pressed against each other staring intensely into each others eyes, spoiler alert they make out and JoJo decides that the chemistry with Chase is definitely there. They have a nice dinner where Chase talks about his parents divorce and how that makes him want to have marriage be a one and done situation. JoJo swoons and gives him a rose.
Meanwhile the guys get a group date card, “love has no secrets” so I start hoping for a lie detector test, Maury Povitch style, you ARE NOT here for the right reasons date, but what I got was even better. A LITERAL SEX TALK STAND UP SHOW and of course the men have to share intimate embarrassing stories and of course the whole show starts with a woman faking orgasm sounds that actually just sounded like she had a nut allergy and someone smeared peanut butter on her face. I’m hoping that ABC will release cutting room floor footage of every single guy’s story in excruciating detail, but all we get are a few snippets of embarrassing first times, being interrupted by the cops and their mothers, pretty run of the mill stuff.
Chad is on this group date and was being a pouty little whiner about telling a story that was “none of JoJo’s business” so he gets down on stage, refuses to tell a story, calls JoJo down there and then makes a weird speech about the future rather than the past and then goes in for the kiss/kill in front of everyone and gets the cheek from JoJo, which was really the only move she could make there. Chad’s ego isn’t bruised though you guys, obviously JoJo just didn’t want the other guys to be jealous. Evan decides he’s tired of being the little guy and his story is just a cautionary tale about erectile dysfunction and roid rage, oh so not subtly directed at Chad. On his was back to his seat Evan gets his T-Shirt ripped by Chad and Chad also punches a door and has bleeding knuckles, and Chad threatens Evan and Chad is the worst and Chad’s behavior makes security guards hang around the mansion during pool and workout time.
The next one on one date goes to James Taylor who is absolutely the most precious individual I’ve had the pleasure of seeing on screen. He and JoJo go “back in time” and head to Culver Hotel in full 40’s garb for swing dancing lessons. Good old JT isn’t the suavest dancer but he does have the most fun and puts a smile on JoJo’s face. During the nighttime portion of the date he sings her a song from the heart that makes JoJo tear up and they kiss literally at makeout point, overlooking downtown Los Angeles. JT talks about how he was teased as a kid for his looks and how he can be insecure sometimes, he tells JoJo that a woman as beautiful as her is out of his league. Honestly now James Taylor is pulling a Katy Perry and is coming at me like a dark horse. He is sweet, a little goofy but charming and definitely looks like a good kisser. Can we all just agree that a good attitude and positive outlook makes a man infinitely more attractive? I even found myself kind of liking JT’s curly hair.
We end on a cliffhanger, Chris Harrison confronting Chad about his “violent” behaviors but telling him to just kind of work it out. I can tell the producers want to push this drama as far as it can go, which seems like it’s going to be until Chad actually punches someone – not to worry the scenes for Tuesday night show JoJo screaming, Evan and sweet JT bleeding and lots of sobs, from the men and JoJo probably. I’m beyond ready for Chad to be asked to leave the mansion because it’s distracting from all the dates and JoJo’s actual journey here. It’s so stale to see her interview after interview pretending not to know what’s going on with Chad and seeing footage of him being crazy intercut with JoJo saying “there’s just something about Chad I like.” It makes it seem like JoJo is an idiot that can’t judge people’s character very well. I will however add that at every instance during the group date JoJo was sitting next to Jordan, talking, laughing, laying her head on his shoulder, drinking from his cup? (pretty sure I saw that happen) so her final guy is probably already on lock. Stay tuned for part two of this insane weeks episodes and let’s all bow our heads to pray that Chad finally gets shown the door.