Dear World-Traveling BFF,
First off, let me start by saying that this whole time difference thing really messes with our constant contact and/or emergency calls at 1 a.m. It’s pretty f*cking rude and I do not appreciate it.
Also, I don’t appreciate waking up to your fancy, fresh cappuccino on SnapChat every morning while my k-cup coffee splutters out of my Keurig sans the fancy designs in the foam.
Not to mention the fact that I can no longer compete for Instagram likes with you. Since you are in another country with all sorts of artsy and fabulous pictures to rub in our faces while my posts are of the drunk Friday nights in front of the same backdrop in my apartment, or a basic bitch picture of my Starbucks cup; I will most likely be boycotting your Insta with multiple sassy comments.
Am I bitter? Not a bit.
And don’t think I don’t notice your replacing me with all of your new friends from all over the United States along with other random, fabulous countries around the world. (If you plan on visiting them, know that I will be traveling along with you.)
Let’s not forget that you taking your wardrobe across the world is NOT appreciated. In fact it’s cruel.
What also is truly unforgivable is all of the hot, exotic men you will be in the presence of. I truly cannot excuse you breaking hearts without me by your side.
I can’t excuse the drunken nights and the questionable actions you’ll commit without me there to contemplate our inevitable destination to hell.
I won’t let you forget the shopping trips that I wasn’t in attendance for or all of the drunk eating I will be missing out on.
I refuse to not be jealous of the fabulousness that is your life for a semester or let you ignore any FaceTime requests without raising hell.
And yes. I guess I will miss you.
(but mostly just your wardrobe).
Your Forgotten, Jealous (Not Bitter) BFF
P.S. I won’t accept any souvenirs in the form of a key chain, t-shirt, postcard etc. (I’m not your annoying Aunt who comments on all of your pictures from the “Semester in Italy” album on Facebook.)
P.P.S. I hope all of that foreign food makes you fat. Just kidding. Kind of.