If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said “I’m single because I’m waiting for the right guy” I would be flying on my private jet to my appointment with whoever makes Beyonce’s hair look so….Beyonce-y.
It sounds good, right? The idea that the universe will send the right man my way if I just sit still and wait patiently? The notion that the winds of fate are preparing to sweep me up and deposit me into the arms of my beloved? Dreamy, ain’t it?
Sigh. Ladies, I think it might be time for us to wake up.
The truth is that we spend way too much time focusing our attention in the wrong direction. We wish for perfect men. We pray for someone to “complete” us. We make lists of all the qualities we want our ideal man to have and can rattle them off at the drop of a dime:
Smart. Handsome. Tall. Funny. Kind. Honest. Ambitious. Supportive. Generous. Loving. Outgoing. Trustworthy. Great in bed. Outdoorsy. Strong. Thoughtful.
I’d like you to consider, however, why you are single in the first place. It’s not because you are unlovable. Because you’re not. It’s not because you don’t deserve happiness. Because you do. And it’s not so that you can sit around and twiddle your thumbs and wait for a man to come along so that you can decide to be happy. It’s as cliche as they come, but I will always always ALWAYS believe that everything happens exactly when and how it’s supposed to. Being single is not punishment. Rather, it’s the universe’s way of giving you time to work on YOU. We want our ideal man, but are we the ideal women? Not for them, but for ourselves. Have we spent time getting to know ourselves? Do we know how to truly love ourselves? Have we done the hard work of dealing with our own shit before we ask someone else to deal with it? Was our last relationship trying to teach us something about ourselves before we enter into a new one?
It really makes me sad to think of how viciously so many of us fight against the idea of being alone. How many of us have settled for men who offered us less than we needed or deserved? How many times have we stayed in relationships far longer than we should have because the idea of being alone was too much to bear? How often do we ignore the warning bells in our heads just so we have someone to share a bed with at night? We fight against solitude because solitude forces us to take stock of our own lives. Solitude absolves the outside world of responsibility and places the burden of our happiness squarely on our own shoulders. Solitude amplifies the voices in our heads that we try so hard to silence. But sometimes solitude is absolutely vital if we ever hope to be our best selves.
Ladies, please, don’t ever settle for less than the best that the world has to offer. And that includes yourselves. Offer the world the very best of who you are. Love yourself enough to be able to be whole and content and at peace all by yourself. The process of getting there may not be pretty, but no one can do that work for you but you. Stop waiting to be happy and start being happy. Stop waiting to be trusted and start being trustworthy. Stop waiting to be in love with a man and start being in love with yourself. Stop waiting for the perfect him, and start being the perfect you. Because you, my dear, are fantastic.