For almost 4 years of my life now, I have adapted to the wilderness that is the college sex scene. Let me first start out with, NO I am NOT a bible thumping, spirit language speaking, save my vagina for Jesus no-sex-til-marriage kind of girl. Anyone who knows me would laugh if you put the words Iva and pure in the same sentence. I also am not questioning my sexuality (but more power to those that are). Nor am I at a hormonal imbalance. Because let me tell you, it is H-A-R-D, no pun intended, to always turn away when sex is presented to the table. But, during my time here, I’ve come to the question, should it be this easy to have sex?
Most people in my life know my thoughts on most no-strings-attached sexual encounters, and i’m at the top of everyone’s list for who to set up a booty call for. Mostly because they think it’s funny to tempt me, and (sometimes) watch me give in. Because it’s so easy. That’s the thing. IT IS SO EASY.
Especially in the college environment, sex is almost a daily routine. Wake up, go to class, eat a salad, come home, take a nap, get a slutty outfit on, drink Burnetts shots while holding your nose, get drunk enough that the bar tender with one eye looks appetizing, and then let the guy who puts your butt into his crotch (aka the popular dance known as grinding) know he can get it. Go home with him, have sex, wake up in a head pounding blur, look over to Mr.not-so-hot-as-you thought, beer belly touting frat daddy with your eyeliner down to your knees and ask for a ride home (or take some flip flops and a hoodie from his closet and walk of shame it home before he even wakes up…no of course I would never do such a thing). That may sound like Freshman year, but replace one night stand with “the guy you’re talking to” or “hooking up with” and you have the same situation, just extended over time. There is no connection beyond sex, and when you wake up from the night before, you’re left with a stale feeling and an overwhelming state of being incomplete, or maybe that’s just me.
I have reached a point in my life, where I want my body to not be the prize, but intertwined with who I am. While it is fun to put another notch in your headboard, prove that your womanly (or manly) wiles can attract whoever you want, it also can take you for a nose dive. How many times have you consoled a friend who saw her “exclusive” partner making out with some all legs blonde, or have you cowered in shame when you realized you were the cheating partner to someone’s crime? It’s not fun and it also is such a grey area when you find yourself in such circumstances.
I challenge you to find what you want. If you’re still in a stage in your life when no-strings-attached-all-I-want-from-you-is-sex works for you, then by all means go for it. I believe there are times in one’s life when this is what one needs, along with copious amounts of Grey’s Anatomy and red wine. But, if you realize you actually don’t want this, that you’re settling for what’s being offered to you, that this is what you deserve, or that this is all there is, I assure you, you do not deserve to settle, this is not all there is to offer, and there is so, so much more for you.
It’s ok to say no, or yes, to meet one of our most primal needs. But what you aren’t satisfied in, does not have to be your habit or fate. YOU are worth something. Your snort filled laughter deserves to be heard, your ideas on middle east conflict should be debated with, and the freckle on the inside of your pinky toe should be noticed. That’s what I’m waiting for. There may be a few diversions in between, but perfection is still out there. We just have to adapt from our college environment to acknowledge it.