It’s hard when life gets in the way to keep your relationship at the front and center of your priority list. When making the decision to move back to the east coast one of the major factors was that it would be a good place for me and the bf to start building our lives together – it’s been a few months and we’re both still at home with our respective parental units saving money (him) and job searching (me). It can get frustrating at times and seems counterintuitive that we moved here to be together but now have to wait it out until it works best logically.
Add in some family trips and living 15 miles away from each other and it gets hard to keep the rythm of the relationship going like it was when we were living together. We were sharing a place for five months and now we’ve gone from that to living seperately for the past two months. We’ve talked about how hard it is to revert back to what seems like high school rules of dating and how it seems like we’re stuck between two worlds trying to balance living with family and figuring out new careers while keeping each other as priority #1.
This can really extrapolate into any area of life when I think about it. Some people struggle with balancing their SO with demanding careers and long work hours – remember the plot of The Devil Wears Prada? That really makes a lot of sense, especially at this point in our lives when working ourselves to the bone to get ahead seems like the only way to climb the corporate ladder. There’s not much time for date night and cooking dinner together when you’re both not getting home until 9pm. It definitely gets hard when there are other relationships that also take priority – like a child or a sick parent or aging grandparent. There’s only so much of yourself you can give and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s to not let your relationship be the thing you’re letting fall through the cracks – otherwise you’ll probably end up without one.
I’ve felt low on the priority list before throughout my relationship history and that’s something I now have a really low tolerance for. If my partnership isn’t about being a team and thinking about things in terms of “us” versus “me” and “you” then it’s going to be just “you” – I will be long gone.
We all know how shitty it is to feel like you’re constantly coming in second in your own relationship. You’re thinking, wait a minute, I already beat out the competition when it came to dating, but only to come a distant second to your job, your friends, your family and your hobbies. No one likes that feeling and I know that I don’t want my bf to feel that desperation either. So take stock of your relationship. If you really value it, make sure the other person knows. It’s as simple as a daily I love you or a glass of wine waiting for you at the end of a hard day of work or a shoulder to cry on when things aren’t going your way. It’s about being there no matter what for anything that comes up, because you shouldn’t be coming second in your own relationship.