See, mom? I’ve got it all under control. Just look at this Williams Sonoma catalogue. Shh, there there. Focus on the linens.
How about some nice aromatherapy candles? Scents like “Tax Refund” and “You’re Right, I Should Have Listened to You” are soothing.
Make her dreams come true – finally let her set you up with Tim Tebow or that guy named Tony Pizza who owns a hoagie shop.
Get a haircut.
Here’s something you’ve maybe never considered doing, but will really prove to her that you are a functioning, human-like adult with fewer self-destructive tendencies than she thought – dust. Dust a bookshelf. Just once.
Stop saying things like “boomers ruined the housing market” and “capitalism is a disease and the destruction of us all.”
Wine and cheese subscription boxes seem nice.
Stop cussing online (and in general).
Wear lipgloss more often.
Call her for reasons other than to sob hyperbolically about boys/finding an affordable apartment/our government spiraling out of control/the fact that gluten is in everything.
Organic skincare really says “I’m sophisticated, I care about the environment, AND I’m not constantly on the brink of debt.”
I think actually having a roll of paper towels on hand, instead of trying to clean up messes with grocery receipts, sends a nice message.
Be Kate Middleton.
If none of the above interest you, I’ve always been curious about what Edible Arrangements are really like. Get your mom one, eat it, and let me know how it goes.