Until about a six weeks ago I had never lived alone. That’s right, never. I went from living at home, to living with ten girls on a hall, to living with eight girls, then four and then I graduated.. and immediately moved in with my ex-significant other. Not just moved in with him, moved across the country and into a house, then an apartment, where I lived right up until the day I dropped the mic on that section of my life and left.
The day I signed a lease on my first solo apartment was both exhilarating and terrifying. I was ready, or so I thought, to just have a space to myself. A space where I could do anything and everything that I wanted to. I could decorate without having to take someone else into account. I could walk around in my underwear or stay in bed all day watching Netflix and drinking coffee without anyone judging me. I could finally be truly alone when I wanted to be…
Then I remembered that I actually hate being alone.
But, being a somewhat-functional adult I pushed through it, signed my lease, packed my things and moved into my new place.
I won’t lie to you, the first week or two felt incredibly weird. Where was the noise of someone else walking through the apartment? Where were the dishes sitting in the sink? Was anyone else going to take my dog, Snugs, out in the morning? How long, exactly, could I go without doing laundry?
Every week since has felt serene. I can drink all of the coffee in the house. I can turn on Tom Petty and play it as loudly as I want to and dance like there is literally no one watching – because there isn’t. I can sit out on my porch in the sun and just be. I can run around the apartment chasing Snugs like an insane person all I want to. I can sit in the living room watching The Blacklist in my bathrobe with a facemask on and just soak in the alone time and recharge.
It. Is. Beautiful.
It is also something that I thought I wouldn’t enjoy. I thought I would be lonely. I thought I would crave the presence of other people around me. I thought that waking up in silence each day would never feel normal. I thought that I wouldn’t stay up until 3am on a Wednesday watching Netflix and stuffing popcorn in my face…
I thought wrong. If given the chance to chose between living alone and living with another human being again I would 100% choose alone. Try it, you never know, you just might love it.