Flaws. They’re what separate us mere mortals from people like Blake Lively, at least in the physical sense. We all have them since we’re human and all. What I find interesting is that we’re told from the start to always embrace or love the flaws of others, specifically people we’re romantically involved with. The whole, “I love you, flaws and all,” line. What I can’t decide is whether or not embracing these so-called imperfections is a good thing when it comes to relationships.
I’m not saying you should only date perfect people, since they’re unicorns and nonexistent. Everyone is going to have a flaw or two, some more than others, cue the couples who end up on Jerry Springer. And every relationship is not absent of them, but when do the lines become blurred? When do we stop accepting people’s imperfections? When they damage our relationship? When they cause us pain? OR do we continue to accept them because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in a relationship?
I honestly don’t know the answer to this question. I could be taking the concept of accepting flaws too literally when the easiest and most obvious solution is to leave that person. If you don’t like something your partner does or the way he acts or that one personality trait you just can’t wrap your heard around, you could always break up with them, right? Yea no shit. But those little annoying details about a person are things you typically pick out on the first date or in those first few months of dating, so if your boyfriend’s nasty habit of not washing the sink out after he shaves is a hard pass for you, then you’re going to break it off before either one of you gets in too deep.
Just to be clear, I’m talking about aspects of that other person that maybe aren’t so obvious on a first date or maybe not at all during the honeymoon stage. These are things that come out as the months and years go by. Its that first terrible fight that you can feel in your chest or apologies you know you deserve that may never come. It’s the things they do that make you question yourself and if there’s something about yourself that you should change to keep your relationship strong.
Now obviously if the one you’re with is just treating you like shit, that’s clearly a sign that you deserve better and that relationship isn’t right for you. This is where there’s a difference between someone having a few flaws or just being a terrible person. Say for example, your boyfriend can never apologize, even when he screws up royally. He might make up for it in other ways, but all you really want is that damn apology. TWO WORDS BUDDY. THAT’S ALL I’M ASKING. But they just can’t seem to say it. Sure they might make up for it in other ways, but they can never admit they’re wrong or apologize for their actions. Like I said, they make up for it in other ways, but their stubbornness is something that never seems to waver.
I attribute this sort of behavior as a flaw, but is it something I’m going to live with? Am I going to hopefully train him to eventually suck it up and apologize? While its not ruining a relationship, it opens a bigger questions about that relationship. Every relationship is different and thus the flaws are all different, so this is a complex question. But without a doubt it questions how much we sacrifice in relationships and how much we learn about ourselves.
This post has mainly been about our partner’s flaws. But what about our own? Could they be feeling the same way? Are they trying to mold their flaws with ours? Is that what a relationship is? Simply taking our own imperfections and finding someone who they mold with best? I like to think this might be a better way to understand the dynamic of relationships. It’s not about loving your partner for their flaws, rather embracing the imperfections of both people and working together to allow them to coexist in a state of blissful imperfectness.
That’s love, right?