I’ve been DOIN’ ME. I honestly don’t think there is anyone who has handled their termination as well as I have. Two reasons: I was in the middle of interviewing elsewhere and the reason for my termination is literally a pile of shit. I’ll probably regret this post when my future employer simply Googles my name and finds this post…
First things first: I knew I was getting fired. I’ve been at this company for about a year now, and not once has there been a 30-minute meeting for an “Accounts Review,” Monday morning before the work day starts because A. Accounts Reviews are always a minimum of two hours and B. They’re always mid-week. Do you think I’m that oblivious? I also have been being a huge dick at the office lately, but only to defend myself to the one person who hates that I’m outspoken (spoiler alert: she’s the reason I got fired).
I’m brilliant by default due to my Asian background (thanks, mom), so my plan was to go in and send in my resignation one minute before my “Accounts Review.” If I resign I don’t need to tell people I got fired, right? Unfortunately, they cut off my email before I got to hand in my “resignation.” I told them verbally before we got down to the nitty-gritty “You’re Fired” conversation, but they were like “well…we’re actually terminating you due to poor performance.”
I literally laughed out loud, because the entire company knew I was hitting 95-110% of my goal literally every week. If you’re reading this and saying, “Well, she was below 100% at one point,” take note there were other members on sales org who hadn’t met 10% of their QUARTERLY goal. Personal problem with me? Abso-fucking-lutely. Enough with this rant on my unjust termination because I have support from my former colleagues, and it seems as though they’re all concerned with my termination. If I had to go in order for the company atmosphere to improve, then hell yeah and I wish all the best for everyone. Do I regret giving my boss’s boss some ‘tude? Absolutely not. I stand for what I believe in, and the reason I left a Fortune 500 company to work for a start up is to have a voice and hopefully be a part of significant change. It was a wild ride, but damn one week to yourself without any responsibilities is pretty dope.
Seconds after getting fired, I jump for joy down the street. I’m free! No more waking up to go to the job I hate. Since I was given my last paycheck, I should probably chill on the Uber and take advantage of my unlimited monthly bus/train pass. I accidentally get on the wrong bus, but it’s all good because there’s a stop for me to get off of, and it’s just a longer walk, but I have ALL the time in the world to walk because I don’t have any commitments (except for spin at 12:15, which I can take in the middle of the afternoon because I DON’T HAVE TO WORK).
PLOT TWIST: I accidentally end up two cities away (for all you Boston people, I work Downtown, live in Brighton, and somehow ended up in Waltham). I figured the bus would turn around eventually because, shit, that’s what buses do. I don’t know anything about Waltham so I’m essentially lost post losing my job (kinda deep right?). The bus stops and I simply ask, “Are we going back to 400 Centre Street?” Oh hell no, today was not the day to piss off this bus driver. She starts to yell at me telling me I knew I was going in the wrong direction and I just wanted to stay on the bus. Why would I do this? Listen lady, I just got FIRED and the last thing I want to be doing is Walk Of Shame-ing City Bus style. Because I was scolded by this woman, my embarrassment caused me to call an Uber.
I go home, make a dope breakfast in my kitchen because I can, and head to spin in my car. I dance and sing to Fifth Harmony’s new song “Work From Home” and really emphasize the “You don’t gotta go to work, work ,work,” because I don’t…
The rest of my Monday consisted of:
- Trolling craigslist for random gigs
- Consider going to amateur night at a strip club for some quick cash (realize I haven’t reached desperation yet since I received about three weeks pay)
- Consider hitting up an old Sugar Daddy, but then remembered I failed as an escort a few years back
I ended my night with Netflix and chillin by myself until I feel asleep.
I woke up without an alarm. AMAZING. Realizing I had a spa package to redeem, I called up the salon as soon as it opened and made an appointment for the same day because I’m as free as a bird. I took another mid-day spin class, showered and headed right to the spa for some me-time.
If you’ve never received a Sea Salt Scrub from a spa, it’s essentially someone professionally bathing you with a washcloth. I’m not complaining, but I wasn’t expecting another woman to be scrubbing my bum, I’m an adult! I can clean myself, but I didn’t hate it…Listen, getting fired is stressful, so no I can’t just scrub myself. It was a fabulous experience and I’m going back this weekend for a massage. I know I should be saving my money, but oh well let me just blow it because I can.
I also heard back from my potential future employer for an interview on Thursday. Looks like it may be a semi-productive week.
Did I black out? What the hell did I do on Wednesday besides go to spin? PS. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve really been taking advantage of my free time by working on dat ass.
Interview day! But also go-workout day. I got my spin sesh done in the AM and headed home to kind-of look good. I thought I looked chic as shit in my top knot, but when my interviewer scooped me into her office with her perfectly blown-out hair, I almost peaced out. I aced that interview and am super stoked to hear back.
After binge-watching The Bachelor (I’m behind) and eating too much granola, I decide I’ll take another spin class. Going 100% for the 6pm, I felt pretty pooped, until the 7pm instructor convinced me to stay for her class. A triple?! I literally could not move out of my car to walk to my apartment for 15 minutes, even though I was STARVING. I FaceTimed my best friend to convince me to get out of the car. It still took another five minutes, but eventually I made moves.
I hear back from the company I interviewed with this afternoon, and they schedule a follow-up for the next day. BOOM. I’m in. Note to self: blow-out hair.
Blow out hair. Put on makeup that makes you look hot, yet professional (minus the lipstick, wait until after breakfast). Make some braid food for breakfast (eggs, duh) and inhale caffeine. Line my lips, put on some lipstick and kick ass.
The second interview was a little more blunt, direct and ballsy, but I held my ground and remained confident. IMMA BOSS. I feel good about this one. Now it’s just the waiting game…
I go to Whole Foods mid-day BECAUSE I CAN (recurring theme here); at my old job we ate at our desk because it was a goddamn prison. As I’m paying, I realize I can take a seat and enjoy my wrap and vegan scone (I’m not vegan, by the way) because I’m in no rush to go anywhere. I eat a wholesome lunch and take my damn time.
Oh! My eyebrow appointment! Priorities. I have plenty of time and I actually showed up early. My brows were literally four months over due. They were so bad to the point where my former co-worker who sat across from me commented on them daily. Still love ya, Jen. Hope my brows make you proud even though you can’t sit across from me daily and tell me how pretty I am.
I get home and chill for a few hours before another, ahem surprise, spin class. My legs are pretty dead considering I took three classes the day prior, but fuck it. After class I go home and prep for my first class to teach at 8am for Saturday morning. Prepping basically consists of listening to my playlist over and over again and yelling out random cues while prancing around the apartment.
Tonight I’m actually setting an alarm before 7am for the first time all week…
Good morning! Time to teach my first class. Luckily they’re most likely all hungover, so anything I give them will be challenging. I did a great job, I heard, so that’s cool.
I taught a 60 minute spin class, which means I deserve a nova lox sandwich, right? YUP.
Now, I’m writing the last bit of this blog post up post shower, and I’m getting ready to head back to the spa for a sports massage. As you know, I have no intention to save my last paycheck and I workout a lot, so let me have my damn spa sessions.
All is good in the hood though, I think I’ll be getting a job in no time. For now, I’ll be enjoying that funemployed life.