“Honesty is the best policy.” How many times have we heard this line? As cliché as it sounds, those five words are so important to remember in all aspects of one’s life. So that I don’t go too much into a ramble, I’m going to focus on honesty in relationships. I’m going to obviously share my experience with being honest in not only relationships but friendships, particularly with guys (go figure).
So I’ve previously blogged about my personal view on relationships and how I feel twenty-something females are in their prime years to find happiness within themselves and gain independence before they give their heart to someone else. Recently I spoke my mind, expressing how I’ve felt for a while to a guy I have a complicated/”what are you guys?”/friends with benefits relationship with, which helped me realize that I should never settle.
Long story short, I’ve known the guy for about three, going on four years now. We met through work (yup, we still work together). I was 18 when we met, he was about to turn 22. I was young, charmed by this guy and smitten by the romantic dates he took me on every Friday night for a few months. We had diner runs at 2am after work and we would sit in his car for another two hours talking and making out.
Over the course of our years, he’s definitely hurt me, likely without even realizing it. This was probably because I wouldn’t stay mad long, I got over it and the cycle continued. It was a roller coaster with this guy as my emotions were always all over the place. We obviously had a thing for each other, worked together and had mutual friends, so it was hard to just cut ties.
To not make him sound like a total douche, my guy friend did treat me with respect. Being young, he never pressured me into having sex or anything I wasn’t comfortable with, and I definitely appreciate that. It wasn’t until recently over the past year and a half, did our relationship turn into a friends with benefits situation. Yet, this guy still did things that I knew were red flags and I didn’t deserve, even as a friend. But I took it and I was in denial. When my best friend told me I needed to move on because if I didn’t close this door, another won’t open; I stupidly ignored that valuable piece of advice.
Recently, I had an epiphany though. It was honestly one of the best things to happen to me. I finally woke up and realized what I had been blind to all these years. Damn right, I deserved more respect and didn’t deserve this guy’s flakiness and inconsiderate ways. I was a good friend, always there for him, but I wasn’t getting back what I was putting into this weird relationship, as we obviously weren’t a couple but we were more than just buds.
I finally had enough and let all of my built up feelings pour out of me to him. He couldn’t answer and just let me talk. He appreciated me being honest and finally telling him how I’ve felt for the past two years. I felt like a new woman, with so much gained confidence. I was always afraid of calling him out on his s*** because I didn’t want to rock the boat. Forget that. I’ll rock the boat as much as I want to. This brutal honesty might have been hard for him to hear but it needed to be brought to his attention how selfish and inconsiderate he was being for all these years.
Fast forward to today, we are still friends. He’s trying to make an effort to prove me wrong by slowly changing his ways. But I certainly learned so much from this whole situation with this guy. I’ve not only grown as a person, but I learned I should’ve told him years ago how I was feeling when he was treating me the way I shouldn’t of been treated. Ladies, don’t ever be afraid to scare a guy off. If you speak your mind and are honest with them, if they choose to run the other way, he wasn’t worth your time in the first place.