Like most twenty-somethings, I have been in bad relationships. I’ve experienced what it’s like when your best efforts aren’t reciprocated, I’ve put up with things that I told myself I never would, and I’ve wondered why I never seemed to feel good enough for the person I was dating. These relationships gave me a very skewed and contorted view of what real love is supposed to be like. I kept thinking, “If I try a little bit harder to be what I think he wants, he’ll like me.” Well, I was wrong. Love isn’t supposed to be like that.
Love is supposed to be fun, and new, and refreshing, and you should go to sleep smiling. Yes, there will be fights and conflicts, but the good should always outweigh the bad. Always. And if you’re sitting here reading this wondering if the good outweighs the bad in your relationship, move on. It just isn’t worth it. Love should be full of surprises, and little gestures that make you smile. It doesn’t have to be full of roses and elaborate dates, but it should be full of small and meaningful moments that truly show you that the person you’re with wants to be with you.
Love shouldn’t be a “freeze out” after a fight; it should instead be a genuine concern and conversation about why the fight happened, and how to prevent it in the future. It should be learning about one another every day, remembering things said in passing, and it should always feel warm and comfortable. The tears shed from real love shouldn’t be out of heartbreak and feelings of inadequacy but out of genuine concern for the other person and for wanting to make things better between the two of you.
Love should mean trust. There shouldn’t be any doubts or worries. You should always know in your heart that the other person is all in, all the time, when things are good, and when they’re not so good. Love shouldn’t be “convenient.” It should be real, and you should just know that it’s right.
When you find this love, you’ll look back and wonder what you were ever thinking before. Questions like, “Why did I ever let ___________ treat me like that?” will race through your mind. But none of that will matter anymore, because you’ve finally found someone that will prevent you from ever asking yourself those questions again.