Graduation is a time of high anxiety. You want to punch every person in the face that posts a “Guess who’s hired/accepted” status and you reek of anxiety. This question is asked to me on the daily, and never ceases to annoy me. So here’s my take on how to deal with said questions.
1.) “First of all, isn’t that a little PERSONAL for you to be asking?”
While while we’re at it why don’t you ask me how much I weigh? or perhaps my Pap smear results HUH??
2.) “I’m going to take over the world”
What’re we going to do tonight brain……
3.) “Send angry e-mails to every person who said my major would guarantee a job or entry into grad school and that i’m 100% hire-able”
WHY DON”T YOU GO BACK TO WHORE ISLAND
4.) Give a really long ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and…
If they can’t catch you, you don’t have to answer.
5.) Lie through your teeth
I’ll be spending after graduation nursing my jobless-itis
6.) Hold back no truth
Like seriously, you HAD TO BRING THIS MOUNTAIN OF ANXIETY TO MY MIND RIGHT NOW??
7.) Give an honest explanation
This is entirely not my fault.
8.) give a sassy comeback
Warning: Any mention of graduate school and your continuing education will follow with hems and haws of costs and “well why don’t you do this instead”…OH BECAUSE IT’S MY LIFE.
Yeah i’ve got nothing
10.) “Oh you know, just going to go in another 50 grand in debt”
11.) “I DON’T KNOW”
That’ll show ’em
13.) Play it cool like having undefined plans doesn’t scare the shit out of you
Yeah, i’m not sure, but having an undefined future doesn’t make me want to shit my pants.
14.) Create a distraction
Works. every. time.
15.) “Work at Disneyland”
You got a better idea?
16.) “Start my own Business”
Beware the condescending chortle
17.) “work for your dad”
Think you could hook me up with that one?
18.) Play it cool…maybe
19.) Demonstrate one of your many talents
Prepare to be amazed.
20.) Defend your soon to be defined plans with confidence and trust in your awesome, hire-able, acceptable self
21.) “Bottom Line, i’m still working it out, which is COMPLETELY NORMAL”
So to all the haters and instigators: