A women not wanting kids is, for many, a really hard concept to grasp and and when I fess up to the fact I’ve got absolutely zero interest in procreating I’m usually met with 1 of 2 responses. People either A) Assume I’m judging their decision to become a parent or B) tell me it’s a phase and I’ll change my mind when I’m older. Sometimes I’m even met with the baffling third response, that my not wanting kids is somehow offensive to couples who want them but can’t have them. (Um, how exactly?) A woman not wanting to become a mother is to many mystifying, radical, attention seeking and self centered. A case in point is the day I brought my niece to mother and toddler group and accidentally let slip that popping out a sprog was not on my to do list. The room fell silent, mouths fell open and one lady even dropped her scone. It was the kind of response you’d expect if I’d just owned up to killing a litter of puppies.
People say not wanting to have children is selfish. I say deciding to have a child when you don’t want one would be selfish. I’m not prepared to donate a whole part of myself to something I have no interest in. Just like I wouldn’t waste countless hours working in a job I had no love for, I don’t want to lose a part of myself to a baby either.
I’m not saying you can’t be a mother and have it all. (Because it’s here that mothers often take offense and falsely believe my lack of maternal instinct is somehow a judgement on them) I’m simply saying I don’t want to be a mother. Definitely not now. And potentially not ever. I love working to my own schedule. I love pouring all my passion in to creating this big exciting future for myself and most of all I love doing that without somebody asking me to bring them juice every five minutes.
I know and understand that becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding, fulfilling things on the planet but it’s not the only thing. The high I felt gazing out in to the pacific ocean during my travels or the sheer pride I experienced when Cosmo’s Deputy Editor offered me a job are some of the biggest pleasures I’ve ever experienced and they wouldn’t have been possible if I had a tot in toe.
No doubt there are young mothers reading this telling me to “grow up” and you’re right I do need to grow up. I have so much I want to experience, so many things I want to achieve and so much of my potential to realise. When I’m old enough and wise enough, have traveled the world and climbed the career ladder, maybe then I’ll feel the overwhelming urge to pro-create. Maybe this biological clock that everyone keeps telling me about will finally kick in and I’ll want a brood the size of the Von Trapps. But for now I’m just happy working on being me. I’m only finding my feet right now, and it’ll be a while before I want to help another human being find theirs.