At what point do you tell your girlfriend to dump him?
This is a question that haunts single women everywhere.
While there are varying opinions and endless magazines dedicated to answering these types of questions for women, I have always taken a vow of silence when it comes to voicing my opinion on friends’ boyfriends.
My philosophy is simple: If they don’t ask, then you don’t tell.
Unless your friend comes to you with a pile of evidence organized into graphs and charts and spreadsheets on why she should dump him and then explicitly asks, “Do you think I should break up with him?”
… Do not tell her to break up with him.
I’m sure many women would disagree with me, saying that it’s against girl code to allow your friend to continue to date a fuckboy who is clearly not good for her (Disclaimer: This does NOT include withholding information that you know about a boyfriend AKA if you know he cheated and she doesn’t), but in my experience, when a friend comes to you in relationship crisis, 9 times out of 10 she is just looking to vent.
She may ask for your advice on the situation, but she is likely not looking for you to say, “OMG what a dick! Dump him, you can do better!!”
Again, in my experience, your opinion doesn’t actually matter because ~the heart wants what it wants~ and unless he did something REALLY BAD, she’s probably going to stay with him.
Then, guess what?!
You become the friend who doesn’t think she should be with him, or who doesn’t support her relationship, or the one she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to because you only have negative things to say.
And TBH, as friends on the outside, we don’t actually know what goes on in a relationship. The reality is that the majority of what we share with our girlfriends is the negative stuff because those are the times we need to vent.
I’m not saying there aren’t times when voicing concern about a friend’s relationship is merited.
I’m just saying be careful what you say in the heat of the moment.
When you only see one side of a relationship it can be easy to jump to conclusions about the type of guy your friend is dating or how terrible their relationship is.
So sometimes being a good friend means calming her down, helping her see both sides, listening instead of speaking, or generally just being there to support any decision she makes.
You might see the fuckboy in him long before she does, but love is blind. It won’t do your friendship any favours if she feels like you don’t support her.
And if he breaks her heart?
You sure as hell better keep the “I told you so’s” to yourself and quietly pick up the pieces.
Or help her download Tinder. Whatever works.