Riddle me this – what’s worse than a happy ex? I’ll wait.
I know most of the time we (eventually) decide to take the higher road… but I would be a liar if I said that I never wished anything terrible on an ex (*reaches for spell book*). In fact, if we are all in the mood to be honest with ourselves (I am) I think we can probably agree that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if our exes dropped dead (I know there’s at least one that comes to mind)… but that’s un-original.
Welcome to the TSL guide to Creative Curses For Your Ex:
Scrotum fire. Burn baby, burn.
Toe stubbing, every day. Right when they wake up & right before bed.
Presentation boner. Imagine that in an annual review.
Lactose intolerance. Life is nothing without cheese.
Erectile dysfunction. Just so they never finish.
Scalding coffee. Nothing like a freshly burned mouth in the morning.
Midnight diarrhea. Only when there’s a woman in the next room.
Paper cuts. Hella. Paper. Cuts.
Fart attack. When taking off pants.
I hope you’re taking a moment to visualize these, because as we all know if you visualize it you will receive it… or so they say. We can all hope for that late night pre-sex fart attack.
Get your hex on, girl.