I’ve had the rare fortune of dating some real, shall we say, unique men. Boy, were they talented! So talented, in fact, that they would be perfect for the following Craigslist ads..
Small Family Obstetrics/Gynecology Practice Looking to Fill Rotations
Twin Hearts Practice is growing, and needs to add a new OB/GYN to service the women in our community. We believe the best doctors are well rounded and have varied interests outside of the field, like EDM music, sangria, and novels about robot sex slaves in Thailand. Googling “How to Do a Pelvic Mesh Operation” the night prior to surgery is okay, but please be discreet. Despite your extensive knowledge of female anatomy, giving your girlfriend an orgasm is not required. Dick pics are encouraged.
Universal Studios – Seeking Extra for Upcoming Film, Magic Mike 3: The Magic Stick
Universal Studios, Inc., is looking for extras to star alongside Channing Tatum, Sofia Vegara’s Husband and the guy from the Persil Pro-Clean commercials in the third installment of the Magic Mike series. Ideal candidates must have prior dance/stripping experience (working as a dancer for bachelorette parties absolutely counts, don’t sell yourself short). Please send height, years of experience, a headshot, date of availability and the status of your MBA candidacy. Must have no less than four first names and a head that is 14 inches in diameter.
Experienced Yogis Needed – Open Minds, Open Hearts Apply!
Abhimaanee Chubhan Center of Sacred Divinity is on a quest to welcome a new Yogi into our innermost family. We teach in the styles of Hot Vinyasa, Ashtanga, Bikram and Erotic Foot Massage. We warmly embrace all applicants, but ask that your aura be centered and that you always keep your shirt on while expressing your sacral chakra. If you love to talk about your $500 Anthropoligie bedspread, exist only on juice and indulge in Humbert Humbert/Lolita relationships with your students, please apply. Namaste.
Get Your Dad to Pay for You to Go to Coachella, Because You’re Better Than Everyone Else!
At Elite Lad Daily Bible, we are all about LIVING your life – not wasting it at a 9 to 5, paying bills or reimbursing your friends for gas money. We are looking for a correspondent to go to music festivals and tweet their experiences. To bankroll this, we ask that only serious candidates whose fathers are the Minister of Finance in a small European country apply. Requirements: 40+ Lakers snapbacks, a summer house in Italy, white entitlement, 4 goatee hairs and British teeth. We strongly advise against having a job or a car. If you speak exclusively in emojis and call anyone whose father is not the Minister of Finance a “farmer,” please apply.