The heart is so fragile. And I always find it interesting how easy it is to forget that fact. It’s easy to forget until hardship hits, and then like a strike of lightening you remember again how heartbreak feels and looks.
Until very recently, I was in a relationship with a man I thought was my future. I always believed somehow we would get through any rough patch. But it turns out he changed his mind and forgot to tell me. Without warning or one sign to let me know, he decided to end our relationship. Although relationships are never easy to end, the harsh ending of mine was one I will not soon forget. The fact that I was part of a decision and not a conversation made me feel as though I was not respected. And one lesson on top of every other I’m currently thinking about is that letting your significant other know what’s going on in your head is so important. I didn’t have a clue my boyfriend had reservations about our future, had an issue with our current relationship, or fell out of love with me. Imagine my surprise to learn all three at once.
I could spend every waking hour wondering where it went wrong. But I can’t and won’t do that to myself, because I now realize the bottom line is that it just didn’t work anymore. And as I clear my cluttered life and brain, all I can do is sift through the memories and routines of what was. Because we were supposed to be together forever, but now I realize I was just chasing rainbows. Now I realize that if we were meant to be we would have been. I sacrificed so many of my own interests and personal desires to cater to my relationship. A long the way I got lost in my relationship and forgot that losing myself isn’t what the relationship should have been. Maybe he felt the same and that sucks, but what makes it better now is that I can pick myself up start again. My loss is large my boyfriend, apartment, his family, his friends, and my lifestyle of multiple years. But now my focus has shifted to starting anew and realizing that I am ok and so is he. And one day I hope we both find a different kind of happiness. Everyone deserves happiness, but the important part is to realize one’s self worth.