I’ve always heard the phrase “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” when someone is going through a breakup and they have an epiphany of just how wonderful their ex really was, or at least how wonderful they thought they were. I started thinking about those words and although sometimes we don’t know just how good something is until it’s not ours anymore, it’s also the case that sometimes we don’t know how much better we can do until we’re forced to move on.
I’m not even going to say this is specifically about relationships, it can relate to every aspect in life. We’ve become so resistant and fearful of change, we crave comfort. Although a comfort zone is a safe place to be, nothing really ever grows there. We become so comfortable sometimes that we can have blinders on to the parts that make us unhappy. We ignore the voice in our heart that tells us it’s not happy.
You know that one boyfriend that you’re just so comfortable with and used to, but you know deep down you could really find someone who made you feel worth something? You stay with him and you continue to give pieces of yourself because having someone half there is better than being lonely or having to start over, right? You continue to force something that just isn’t working because things have been this way for so long, and you’ve given so much of yourself you don’t know who you are without them. Until one day, he makes the choice for you and says it’s over. And it’s in situations like these where you wouldn’t have moved on unless you were forced to.
Why do we fight relentlessly for something that really isn’t worth fighting just to avoid the unfamiliarity of a new beginning? It could even be the job you dread going to, or that friend you feel is dragging you down, but you’ve been friends for so long you just can’t separate yourself. Bye Felicia! And you might not have found the better job or career you truly loved if you hadn’t have been forced to look for a new one. Call it the optimist in me or the fact that I’ve had to start from scratch and rebuild my life a couple of times, but when you know what it’s like to be unhappy you do everything within your power to never go back to that place again.
Change is inevitable. It may be uncomfortable, but it’s sure as hell going to happen. You can either dread the process and let it make you stale or you can let it refine you. We can learn so much from what didn’t work if we just pay attention. I had a friend recently go through a really hard breakup and she looked at me and said “I just don’t know who I am without him” to which I responded with my margarita induced wisdom “you’re the same girl who told me to never settle for a mediocre life.” Leave it to tequila to be inspirational when I needed it the most. Regardless, something happened after those words were spoken. I watched a girl who didn’t know who she was take back every single piece of identity she gave away. She was forced to move on with her life, but she did it knowing that the ending she had already written for her book wasn’t even the end anymore. She was ready to write a new story for herself. It may not have been by her own choice, but she knew it would be for her own good.
If you’re in a situation, not by choice, where you’re having to move on from something you’ve grown familiar with, I want you to take a deep breath, chug a glass of wine, and know that you’re story is about to get really interesting. Re-invent yourself, find a new career you have passion for, go on dates with people who wouldn’t normally be your type. Hell, go skydiving if it makes you feel brave! DO SOMETHING! Don’t get complacent and don’t have a pity party. I’ve learned it’s ok to cry for like 30 seconds, then you suck it up and become a badass princess.
P.S.- If you need courage, margaritas work wonders!