If there’s one thing that Laguna Beach taught us it’s that
jean skirts and UGGs are appropriate for any season there’s a break up season.
And we’re definitely in it.
Now when I say “break up season,” I’m not talking about the standard turkey dump season that occurs after college freshmen come home for Thanksgiving and realize their high school boyfriend actually isn’t ~*~ThE OnE~*~ (because now the guy who bought them pizza at 4AM after the bar last Saturday is obviously the actual ~*~OnE~*~). I’m talking about this post-grad break up hurricane that seems to be sweeping our nation right now (and just happens to coincide with the turkey dump this year).
If you are between the ages of 21 and 25, were in a long-term relationship throughout college, and made drastic life-altering decisions to keep that relationship together for at least 1+ years post-grad, you are probably currently going through break up season.
For the past couple months, I have watched almost every single one of my best friends break up with their long-term college boyfriends. The reasons obviously varied from relationship to relationship, but there was always the same underlying factor that provoked the decision: they were comfortable, but not happy.
Being comfortable and being happy are two very different things when it comes to relationships, but when you’ve been in a relationship for so long it can incredibly hard to decipher the difference.
And as the bestie, it can be even harder for you to coach them through this.
Whether your bestie acknowledges it or not, being in a relationship in college is often more about support than it is about love. Being in college is an incredibly liberating experience, but it can also be a very scary experience. Living away from home all on our own has a lot of learning curves and it’s nice to have the support of a reliable partner throughout those years to help us navigate life. And so the relationship gets comfortable. However, once people are out in the real world, they might not be on the same page anymore and may no longer feel the need to have that support. In fact, they may actually feel the need to be on their own and lean on themselves for once.
This is when your bestie will have to do a lot of yoga and self-reflection and shit, and she’ll still call you every other day saying “I’m going to break up with him.” “I love him what am I thinking?” “I will never find anyone as good as him.” “I want to be single so bad.” “No one will love me as much as him.” “OMG I’m 23 WTF am I doing with my life?” “He would be the best husband.” “YOLO!!!!”
You can see how this might get confusing for you.
And since I’ve been through this like literally 23748923803192321 times in the past 3 months (because like I said, literally all my best friends just broke up with their boyfriends), here are few tips and tricks I’ve learned on how to support your bestie through a break up.
Break Up Season: Supporting Your Bestie
1. Be Available
Keep your phone on loud and be available everyday, all day, at any time of the day to take her calls and answer her texts. She will probably toggle between feeling excited about her decision and feeling like she just sabotaged her life, so be prepared for anything when you open that iMessage. If you have a meeting or appointment that will prevent you from looking at your phone for like even 1 second, let her know that she is free to send you as many all-caps texts as she needs, and that you will respond when you’re done.
And please, do not ever tell her to “get over it” or “move on” or “OMG CHILL STOP TEXTING ME 274927348230912 TIMES A DAY!!!!!”
This will not go over well.
2. Take Her Out
This is an obvious one. The minute she calls, texts, emails, or sends a carrier pigeon letting you know she finally broke up with him and this time it’s actually final (because it obviously wasn’t final the first 4 times she tried), it is your best friend duty to take her out. It doesn’t have to be a raging blackout night (but like, it probably should be), but at least go do something that forces her to leave her house, put on some make up, and talk to some people. This will make her feel so much better.
Because who wants to spend their first single night alone in their bed streaming re-runs of The Hills?
She’s going to be doing enough of that once she realizes being single isn’t actually that fun.
3. Get Her on Tinder
Whether she wants to or not, force your bestie to get Tinder. It doesn’t matter that like every guy on there is either in a relationship or is a psycho douchebag who lives with his parents, Tinder is a great distraction for the newly single. Nothing will make your bestie feel better like a bunch of random guys using cheesy pick up lines on her and telling her she’s hot. Plus, her phone will be blowing up all day from random guys, which will (hopefully) keep her from texting her ex that she misses him but still wants to be single (confusing, I know).
Just make sure you screen anyone she considers actually meeting IRL.
Friends don’t let friends get Netflix & chilled.
4. Ignorance is Bliss
As a best friend, it is your duty to literally never bring up her ex again. Ever.
If you saw he posted something funny on FB, don’t mention it. If you saw him at the gym and noticed he miraculously gained a 6-pack, don’t mention it. If you saw him at the grocery store and noticed he gained like 100000000 pounds and looks like shit, don’t mention it (okay, maybe you can). And most importantly, if you saw him on Tinder, or you saw him on a date, or you saw him making out with literally Gigi Hadid on the cover of US Weekly, DO NOT MENTION IT.
Keep pretending he doesn’t exist so she can, too.