I guess it’s true when they say that a lot can happen in a year. I look back a year ago today and think, ‘wow, I was a completely different person then.’ I don’t even recognize that girl.
Last summer I had a very serious boyfriend. He was in the military and I waited for him for 6 months until I could see him again. We wrote back and forth all of the time. I just remember anxiously waiting to get a letter from him and would run to my mailbox every day – it was a very Dear John scenario. I would always sit by my phone and wait to get a call from an unknown number, and my face would light up from joy whenever I would heard his voice. He only had 5 minutes to talk, and I thought that that was the best 5 minutes of my entire life.
He and I talked all of the time about our future together. We weren’t dating for that long, but I knew that I was happy around him and that nothing was ever going to change that. We had countless talks about getting married after I graduated college and living in a log cabin in the woods, or on the beach with neither one of us knowing what career path to take as long as we had each other.
It wasn’t until I got back to school in the fall that things started to get rough. We hadn’t seen each other in 6 months, and honestly it was getting hard for both of us. At this point, I could talk to him everyday on the phone or Skype, but it just still wasn’t the same as seeing him in person. I started to question all of the plans we made about our future because I would keep asking myself is it worth it? Is it worth all of the separation? The lonely nights? The constant tears from missing him? At the time, I convinced myself that yes, it was worth it.
A few months had gone by and he finally found some time to see me in October at school. We had the most amazing weekend. We drove up to Asheville and hiked a couple of trails – it was just good being around him again and we had a lot of fun. It just reassured me that all of the long distance was worth it.
A month later he came to see me again and everything changed. He broke things off. He randomly broke up with me and I was confused because everything was going so well. I was upset that our future plans were ruined and that I wouldn’t be able to spend the rest of my life with him. A part of me to this day still wonders what he was thinking when he did that without even talking to me. I tried to talk him out of it and begged him to take me back because I was willing to change my entire life for him.
But looking back now – I fully understand why he did it. He loved me enough to let me go so I can follow my dreams and live my life the way I want to live it. He didn’t want to hold me back. I think back to that time and think to myself, Why in the world would I ever change my life or alter my plans for a guy?! That’s silly of me. I changed my plans for a guy I had only been dating for 6 months. I was embarrassed.
Now, I thank the guy who put me through that. If I had never gone through that, I wouldn’t be who I am today – an independent and strong young woman who is ready to take on the world. I am fully focused on my dreams and am focusing on who I am as a person. Honestly, yes I do get lonely sometimes without a guy in my life right now, but this is the time to work on my plans and myself without somebody holding me back.
My time will come for a serious man to come in my life and I am looking forward to that day. I am looking forward to finding someone who will complement me and make me laugh no matter what and just be my best friend. But right now, it’s time for me to live my life and put all the attention on my happiness. Because before you can love somebody else, you have to love yourself first.
I can’t wait to see what else this life throws at me and I can’t wait to experience my life on my terms.