Well rose lovers this week we are transported back to that fateful tarmac of a private airport where JoJo continues to sob about how confused she is and how hard it is to narrow her choice of men from four to three. If you’ll remember from last week she said she’d made up her mind to get rid of Luke, but then he pulled out the emotional big guns and told her that he was in love with her. However, this did end up being too little too late and in the most rookie move ever and the biggest mistake of her life, JoJo says goodbye to perfect, soulful Luke. She didn’t even give herself a chance to hook up in the fantasy suite with him, what a moron. See you on The Bachelor Luke, and I hope you find a quality lady (read: me) to spend your life with.
Anyway, we move on quite abrubtly to the fantasy suite portion of the season – everyone is in Thailand and tbh I mentally checked out as soon as Luke left in the limo – luckily you don’t have to have your mental faculties with you too much to be able to follow this show – that’s also why there can be so much wine involved. So, Robbie and Jordan’s one on one dates go about how you’d expect, a lot of walking around town and staring into each others eyes talking about love and this journey and how scary emotions are, etc. JoJo does corner Jordan during his date and question him about what his life looks like in the next year, fishing for this response I’m sure “it’ll be OUR life, honey!” But she doesn’t get it, instead she gets Jordan’s shifty eyes and twitchy hair freaking out about trying to pin down a future commitment when it comes to where the two lovebirds will live after the show. This scares JoJo but not enough to not have a romantic night in the fantasy suite, which she shared with Robbie as well.
We finally get to poor, bumbling, emotionally damaged Chase’s date and they do a lot of the same thing, wandering around town and a fake dinner where no food is eaten, then they go to the fantasy suite and Chase puts on his big boy pants telling JoJo that’s he’s in love with her. Then JoJo does the thing that literally NO ONE wants their SO to do after a declaration of love – she says she needs a minute and goes to sit on a bench outside alone. When she comes back in she explains that she didn’t feel how she wanted to feel after Chase told her he loves her. She should feel more excited and really wanted to fall in love with him but she hasn’t. She says it wouldn’t be fair to spend the night with him when she knew that her other relationships were stronger and this one was lagging behind. Chase gets real aggro and whines about how he finally told her about his feelings and now he’s getting dumped, he’s heartbroken and angry. He storms off in a huff as JoJo cries about how she didn’t know what to say to make it right. Chase thought he was about to get lucky and instead he got kicked to the curb and had to leave in shame in a weirdly large white production van.
The next day at the rose ceremony JoJo starts to tell the final two that she sent Chase home, but then lo and behold Chase comes over the hill inspiring dread I assume in everyone standing there. In the real world he’d be coming to murder everyone, but since this is a produced television show and they want Chase to come across not looking like a emotionally stunted baby with an anger problem, he pulls JoJo aside and tells her that he’s not mad at her, he reacted wrong and he’s proud of her and her journey to find love. K byeeeeee.
Both Jordan and Robbie make it to the final two and we see some scenes for the finale next week! JoJo clearly is only torn because she’s worried Jordan is a complete fake and will leave her just like all her other boyfriends have. Say what you will about the fake nature of this show, but the core issues are definitely real. Who hasn’t wondered that someone might be just telling you what you want to hear, only to break your heart when you realize they didn’t care at all. She could pick Robbie and be happy but always wonder if her life was supposed to be with Jordan or she could pick Jordan and risk that he’s not the man she thought he was and be left heartbroken with no boyfriends left standing. Tune in this Tuesday for Men Tell All and next Monday for when we have to watch three hours of this programming just to see JoJo pick Jordan. Also, my favorite part of every season, Neil Lane will probably be back in his casual island-wear. Also, Bachelor in Paradise starts airing the next day after this finale – they’re really not giving me a chance to get any of my life back.