Hey there rose lovers, we’re back after a week hiatus from your favorite reality show. On this week’s “dramatic” yet somehow super boring episode, Chad comes back to the house for a weird goodbye conversation with the remaining men and then leaves for good. The best part was Wells organizing a funeral of sorts for Chad in which every guy took some of Chad’s leftover protein powder and threw it into the wind as a farewell to a terrible human. After Chad left, three other guys hit the road (bye creepy Daniel and two other unnamed men I can’t remember) and they move on to Uraguay in South America.
In South America, Jordan gets the first one on one date and the guys are NOT impressed. There’s some chatter about Jordan just wanting to be famous and how he’s probably not there for the right reasons. JoJo DGAF about Jordan’s reasons she’s just trying to get some sexy snuggling done on a yacht – aka living everyone’s dream life. Of course they have a great day but then turn to a more serious conversation over dinner because JoJo apparently somehow knows someone that Jordan used to date?? I’m going to assume this information was somehow texted to her during the show, since we’re remaining in the reality of “casting” the best potential suitors for JoJo, not “casting for drama.” Anywho this ex told JoJo that Jordan wasn’t a good boyfriend and there were some trust issues in their relationship. Jordan chalks that up to football and him being immature so JoJo gives him a rose.
Meanwhile back at the hotel, the guys “accidentally, somehow, coincidentally” find and read an In Touch article about JoJo planted by the producers. Her ex, also named Chad (seriously does anyone out there know a decent person named Chad? Because I’ve never met one) sold a story to the gossip rag about how JoJo is secretly still in love with him and yadda yadda he’s great, she’s a liar, all the bullshit one would expect from a terrible ex. Of course producers ambush her with this article in her one on one interview and then tell her that the guys have also seen it and she needs to address it.
The whole debaccle leads to a lot of tears on JoJo’s part and she explains that she is just mad that her ex will not leave her alone. It seems like he’s trying to destroy her happiness, which pisses her off because she tried to be friends with him after their breakup. I’ve never been friends with any of my exes after we’ve gone our seperate ways and kind of think it’s weird when people manage to stay friends. If that situation works for you great, but I have a hard time believing it’s an easy or natural friendship. Not to mention the havoc that friendship can have on your current romantic relationship. If you like opening the door to insecurity, jealousy and unnecessary friction in your new relationship, by all means keep hanging out with someone you used to see naked on the regular.
Another thing I think we can all relate to is having that one ex that somehow knows you’re finally happy either by yourself or with someone else and they pick the worst possible time to come waltzing back into your life just to eff it up. If I had a dollar for every friend who’s said to me “it’s like he has some sort of alarm clock that goes off when I’m finally over him and he decides to just come back into my life” I’d have enough money to buy bottomless brunch mimosas for life. I just have this to say – screw all those losers, don’t even give them the time of day ladies, you’re so much better off without that negativity in your life.
JoJo is every woman right now and reassures the guys that her ex is full of shit and she’s there to find a husband and now she knows the kind of love she deserves and doesn’t want to waste her time with guys that aren’t good enough. BOOM! Moving right along, the group date consists of everyone going out to a sand dune to “surf” down the hill, it’s windy and the sand looks painful. It starts to rain and they all retreat inside to talk. The guys start jockying for position and are all getting frantic about their time with her. Alex will not shut up about Derek being “manipulative” for reasons that are still unclear to me despite Alex talking nonstop about it the whole time. This is made even worse when Derek gets the group date rose and JoJo mentions that she wanted to give him some “reassurance” a word that Alex and Chase pounce on and try to make Derek feel bad about his rose.
Robbie the Olympic swimmer gets the next one on one date and they wander around the “beautiful” town they’re in which looks like the abandoned parts of Los Angeles, and they jump off a cliff into the water together. I wasn’t sure that Robbie was going to get this rose, but then he tells a story about how his childhood best friend died and now he doesn’t take life for granted. Robbie just straight up tells JoJo that he’s in love with her, after literally a couple weeks of knowing her. JoJo “appreciates” it and gives him a rose.
JoJo decides there doesn’t need to be a cocktail party and promptly lets Evan, Vinnie and Grant go, leaving her with eight eligible bachelors to continue on this journey of love with her. I would like to take this moment to give a shout out to Luke, the sultry, mysterious man who I am becoming rapidly obsessed with as this show goes on. I have a feeling you’re going far Luke.
They tease up with some dramatic season finale footage of JoJo at the finale mat crying and telling a guy that she’s in love with him but has to say goodbye to him because “what he did to her wasn’t okay” and she’s turning her back on the love they could have. This does not bode well and true to our rubbernecking nature, we’ll all be watching. Until next week rose lovers…