1. Stop caring what men think of you. Stop turning your life into a performance for others. You are a work of art, and the only patron that matters is you.
2. Marriage/a relationship is not a goal. I’m not saying don’t desire it – but don’t treat it like a finish line at the end of a marathon, either. Because if (or when) you do get there, then what? Are you happy with your partner? With yourself? Or are you just trying to check off a box whose empty walls made you feel nervous? If you don’t get there – are you any less worthy? Less desirable? Less full? No. Your relation to another person cannot be what tethers you to your value. Your treasure and worth is already in you, right now, wherever you are.
3. Demand a fucking orgasm, for God’s sake. Tell them what you want, what feels good, what you fantasize about. Sex is for you as much as it is for them. Do not let them off the hook on this.
4. Always have at least $20 in cash on you. For no other reason than if you need to make a dramatic exit whilst getting drinks, you can huff, “I’ve had enough of this,” throw the cash on the table, and angrily storm out. I’ve never done it, but I’ve seen it enough times on Vanderpump Rules and it looks fun.
5. Take at least one weekend trip with a group of girls wherein one of you gets belligerent and shuts down an entire city block in Charleston and/or another makes out with the bassist from Coldplay. I feel like this is just a rite of passage.
6. Be reckless with compliments. I’ll start: You are cherished, remarkable, brave, and precious to me. Whoever you are reading this – I’m here for you. Keep doing you.
7. Self-care and self-love shouldn’t be weekend treats – they should be daily habits. Take a bath. Stay in bed a bit longer. Watch one more episode of Parks & Rec. Do things that bring you peace, daily. Being chronically busy is bullshit. Your value is not predicated by your productivity.
8. Get something pierced, just for the hell of it. You can always take it out down the line, if you don’t feel it suits you anymore. If you need suggestions, inbox me for what happened when I drank too much champagne at brunch and stumbled into a piercing shop.
9. Do not hesitate to cut toxic people from your life. I don’t care who they are – friends, lovers, family, or otherwise. If anyone, for even a moment, makes you question your worth, your right to have a seat at the table, the value in what you have to say – delete them. And don’t look back.
10. Eat french fries at least once a week and be fucking merry, my friends.